A debate goes on about how men and women cheat. It is often said, based on various studies, that men cheat far more than women. Like this study:
Recent studies reveal that 45 or 55 percent of married women and 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship.
Looking at such studies, people often ask, how come more men cheat vs women. The math doesn’t add up. Well, for one, some of the men must be cheating with single women.
But as another study shows, it could be something else as well.
In the UK Adultery Survey 2012, where the behavior of 4000 men and women who had cheated unearthed – Women have far more men outside the marriage than men. Women have an average of 2.3 secret lovers compared to a mere 1.8 for men.
So, once the women get going outside the marriage, they cover far more distance in terms of numbers than men. Either way, cheating isn’t a great thing and isn’t something that is ever condoned within marriage, which is why some spouses opt to hire a private investigator if they have their suspicions. Since cheating is becoming such a common thing nowadays, many people follow this career path and learn how to become a private investigator in order to help these couples get to the bottom of this issue. Although studies show that men start late – average 42 years and 6 years after the marriage (7 year itch?); women, on the other hand, start early – 37 years on average and 5 years after marriage.
But adultery doesn’t stop these people from loving their spouses. 76% of the women and 67% of the men in the survey (who had cheated) admitted that they still loved their spouses. Nevertheless, whether they love their spouse or not, some of these marriages will end. Different countries have their own take on the outcome of infidelity; for example, in the United States,adultery in ohio
is more likely to end in divorce.
Women surging ahead in cheating in marriage
In another long survey – General Social Survey(GSS) – from 2010 to 2016, it was found that 20% of men and 13% of women reported they had had sex with someone other than their spouse while married.
What is interesting is that although men cheat more overall, but in the younger generation, the women are taking a lead. The gap had been closing in the last few generations and now it seems to have reversed.
In an interesting article discussing this trend – “The Future of Infidelity is Female” – comes to the same realization.
Several studies, including research in progress at the University of Kentucky’s Sexual Health Promotion Lab, has found that women are now cheating at nearly the same rate as men, according to director Kristen Mark, PhD. Numbers from the National Opinion Research Center’s 2016 General Social Survey, meanwhile, show that although the percentage of men who admitted to infidelity has held steady over the past two decades, the percentage of wives who reported having affairs rose almost 40 percent – a trend that’s holding steady in 2018, says Tom Smith, director of the survey.
This is possibly being driven by opportunity and possibility. As far as sexual desires are concerned, both men and women have that similar. In fact, researchers Alicia Walker and Marta Meana have found that “women’s sexual desire is no less strong than it is for men.”
Author Wednesday Martin (Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free) calls women Sexual strategists.
Meana’s research also shows that women struggle more than men do with the institutionalization of relationships, overfamiliarity with partners, and desexualization of roles in long-term relationships, all of which has led to a certain set of female overachievers using infidelity as a “workaround” strategy. “They want to stay married, but they also want great sex they’re not getting from their marriages,” says Martin. “Women are pragmatic sexual strategists. We always have been, and that’s why Homo sapiens are here today.” (source)
It is not that they want to move out of their marriage but want to enhance their experience of intimacy that may not be happening from it.
Women are Smarter at Cheating in marriage
In another survey, it came out that almost none of the women who cheat ever get caught by their spouses, as 95% of women admitted to having cheated successfully. On the other hand, only 83% of men could boast of that.
Why? Because they are more sophisticated psychologically.
“Women are better liars because they”re more psychologically sophisticated,” the Daily Mail quoted Holmes as saying. “Emotionally they make plans and have strategies, while men are more impulsive.”
So, the secret to successful cheating is clear – better planning and less impulsiveness.
Men and women are the same in psychological makeup and needs. It is just that the way societies were structured, women’s lives were confined and restricted. As work-life opens up and social changes come in along with many social media and secret dating apps, women, like men, will find expression to their desires in many ways. Cheating in marriage is also one of them.
This article was first published on Jun 27, 2012